i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
