i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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