I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
