Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
