He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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