he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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