i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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