xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize