She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize