every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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