There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
