whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize