She said her name was "party"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
