There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
