You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
