Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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