dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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