Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
