He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
