Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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