I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
