Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
