yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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