Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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