Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
