thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
