I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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