He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
