Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
