I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
