is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
