I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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