I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
