Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
