Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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