it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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