Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
