we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
