she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
