My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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