if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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