He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
