i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
