booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This baby is an asshole
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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