Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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