i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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