DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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