I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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