508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Randomize
