She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
