I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
