I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize