I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
