My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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