Plan B is the new Plan A
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
