you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
