yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The air taste purple.
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