I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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