I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
