You smell like a Billy Joel song
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
