I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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