I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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