Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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