He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
