Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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