If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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