he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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