We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
