this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
