The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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