Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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