ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
