to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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