I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
