you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We named our party play list daddy issues
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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