you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
