if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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