my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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