I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
