quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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